Less jargon. More ‘oh, that thing.’

These words are tools for describing ordinary life, not labels to pin on your partner. Start with the definition that matches the job or conversation in front of you.

Agreement

A decision both partners understand and accept, written clearly enough to recognize later.

Anti-scorekeeping

A design approach that makes effort visible without treating household work as a contest between partners.

Appreciation

A specific thank-you or acknowledgment of effort, kindness, or a detail you value.

Check-in

A short, agreed time to hear how the week felt, look ahead, and discuss one useful change or next step.

Date deck

A collection of date ideas you can browse to find an activity both partners want to try.

Date plan

The practical arrangement that turns an idea into time together, including when and how it will happen.

Default parent

An everyday term for the parent who is routinely expected to notice, remember, and coordinate care-related needs first.

Done means

A shared description of the outcome that finishes a responsibility, including any important boundaries or timing.

Emotional labor

In everyday relationship conversations, a phrase people may use for managing the tone, feelings, or social expectations around shared life. Here it is a descriptive phrase, not a diagnosis.

Fair play cards

Cards associated with Eve Rodsky's Fair Play method for discussing and distributing household responsibilities.

Gatekeeping

In a household discussion, controlling access to a responsibility or insisting on supervising how another person carries it out.

Handoff

An explicit transfer of responsibility that the receiving partner understands and accepts.

Household admin

The practical coordination around a shared home, such as messages, appointments, supplies, and paperwork.

Invisible labor

Work that keeps everyday life moving but is easy to overlook because its preparation or result is not immediately visible.

Key date

An occasion worth remembering, such as a birthday, anniversary, holiday, or personal milestone.

Love map

The Gottman term for knowing your partner's world, including their interests, worries, hopes, and ordinary preferences.

Mental load

The noticing, remembering, and planning around household work, including the parts that happen before anyone does the visible task.

Mutual yes

An option both partners independently want to choose, rather than one person agreeing only to end the discussion.

Ownership vs helping

Ownership means carrying a responsibility from noticing through follow-up. Helping means doing an agreed part while someone else may still hold the overall job.

Partner profile

A place for useful details your partner wants you to know, such as preferences, sizes, or a coffee order.

Private date vote

A preference on a date idea that is not simply published as an individual answer to the other partner.

Recurring task

A task expected to return on a chosen schedule, with enough detail to act when it comes around again.

Repair attempt

In Gottman terminology, an action or statement intended to interrupt a negative turn in an interaction and help the conversation recover.

Soft start

A plain, specific opening to a difficult conversation that describes the issue and request without attacking the other person's character.

Weaponized incompetence

An everyday label for a pattern in which claiming inability or doing work badly appears to shift responsibility back to someone else.